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Guys before fries ...

I mean, wait. Fries before guys? Yes. FRIES before guys. Are you hearing me girls? And when I say girls I’m talking about my actual girls. My very soon to be 15 yr old and my (ever so longing to be 15) 12 yr old ...

This is MOSTLY a conversation about boys and yes, I realize how cliche it is to be having this convo in the AM hours on the day of love. It's just something I want to share as a mom continually trying to put my best foot forward when it comes to the two (of the four) sets of the young beautiful eyes upon me ..

Basically, this is a thought about how our 'two' 15 yr olds need guidance. In all areas of adolescent life. From the effort they put forth, to having (and gaining) respect for (and from) others, to 'what should I do when _____ (enter latest boys' name here) does _____ (enter any moment you have ever experienced while you were young and 'in love') ..

This thought is about how these girls are continually watching my every move (even though they think I'm lame) and when it comes to advice, they hang on my every word (even though they'd never admit it) ..

And now as I'm typing I'm finding that it's also serving as a great reminder that every moment, every exchange of words, every action I make is either impressing them or making them question. And listen, I am not using 'making them question' as a negative here. I'm simply stating the obvious. Us moms don't ALWAYS lead by the so-called perfect example at all perfect times (not to mention that our 'perfect' may not be considered others 'perfect' but that's a different story for another day) .. I do not always say the right thing, yet sometimes I nail it. Sometimes I go back in with an apology because I didn't express my worry and concern in a productive way, yet sometimes I nail it. Sometimes I'm stretched to thin and don't take the time to initiate a much needed conversation right then and there, yet sometimes (you got it) I nail it. Sometimes I may feel I simply can't relate to what they're feeling AND YET ALLtimes, you know what, that just simply isn't true .. I relate to their feelings. If I'm not, it's because I'm coming at it from a sense of pride, a sense of 'parent' .. of 'mom-ing.'

Bottom line is, I'm not relating because I haven't asked the right question just yet that will urge them to truly share what's weighing on their heart. I haven't shown them the security they need to feel in order to open up. Instead of welcoming a productive conversation they worry that they will be met with my judgement and/or punishment when they go off track. And remember, it's my advice they yearn for (and again, don't ask them that because they will not admit to this) so this is MY reminder to step in and be the mom that comes in with the right question that will break down the barrier so that we may be able to get to the real feeling that the behavior and/or action is stemming from because you know what? They're such lovely girls with just the biggest, most huge, hearts. I know this. WE (Jake and I) know this. And really our only job as a parent is to just make sure that they know this as well .. So moving forward it will be only right questions at the right times. Check. Now will I screw it up again? Of course I will. But I'll keep putting forth my best effort and my screw up will NOT be because 'parent pride' stepped in ..

Oh man. Ok. So I ramble. My Fries before Guys became more about .. well . Girls. It was a solid start that went off on .. well . a parental growth tangent. Hmm. Maybe I should've saved my catchy title for another time ...

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